If being self-aware and being masterful at self-management (the first two skills of EQ), relies on us being in-tune with how we feel, it’s obvious that the biggest barrier to self-awareness is our resistance to feelings.

As this distinction of feminine energy unfolded for me further, I realised how much I’d been limiting myself and working hard to overcompensate for innate qualities I wasn’t tapping into.

Those who suggest someone be more assertive, are usually very comfortable asserting themselves.

But, alone, such skills can be as detrimental to progress as not speaking up at all.

So, who is it really that’s causing the inefficiencies, the rework, the roadblocks between functions, all the unclear expectations, the wrong product going to market, the delay in delivery and customer dissatisfaction?

At the ‘controlling’ end of the pendulum, we invest energy, focus and determination into ensuring things are perfect, trying to make things happen by directing, telling and project managing everyone and everything.

Effective accountability conversations are near to absent in the workplace. In my experience it’s the area most leaders and managers are disempowered, no matter how experienced, intelligent or passionate they are.

If you’re an over-thinker, perfectionist, relentless striver or people pleaser (which covers just about all of us), then the self-criticism is never far from the surface. Gritty little self-talk like…

Effective accountability conversations are near to absent in the workplace. In my experience it’s the area most leaders and managers are disempowered, no matter how experienced, intelligent or passionate they are.

As leaders, our brand introduces us before we show up. It’s the thoughts and feelings people connect with our name when they think of us, or speak our name. It’s how they relate and how much they trust us, and whether they even want to.

A harsh fact to face, especially if we are the executives…or the leaders or the managers. But, as harsh as it may be, in my experience, almost all leaders find holding their people accountable the most challenging of their responsibilities.

Become present to what your little voice is saying. Take a breath, and let the thought soften its grip on you. Ask yourself quietly…what if I didn’t blame them this time. What if I didn’t tell that same old story this time. What if I didn’t resort to self-criticism this time.

It’s a very costly cultural trait. Not only does this behaviour erode trust, create reactive employees across the organisation (because everyone’s procrastinating about raising an issue) and ultimately slow business down, it wastes your precious time that could be much better invested.

As a leader your challenge is to see the future before others do, move toward it with belief and certainty, inspiring your people to come with you. Empower them to step onto the path of growth and achievement, leap toward the future and in the process become more than who they are today.

Real, honest, sometimes heart-breaking conversations became the basis of creating true freedom and deep connection within our family relationships. Our appreciation for each other feeding our acceptance of our differences.

Driving our need for control, whether we like to admit it to ourselves or not, is fear. Fear of failure or of success, of not being good enough. Fear of being taken advantage of or of being rejected or not living up to our own, or another’s, expectations.

Dylan Marron, creator and host of the podcast ‘Conversations with people who hate me’…does exactly that.

Walking the line between the limits of the past to his left, and the possibilities of the future to his right, this leader wasn’t yet fully convinced that a change was worth what it was going to take to create it.

We often enjoy the complexities of conflicting priorities and the challenge of achieving and completing projects on time, to budget and to the highest quality.